Ideas for living with loss

Whether or not you make space for it, grief will be there. Try not to spend what little energy you have trying to resist, avoid, or minimize it. 

Grief will naturally ebb and flow. Some days it will be persistently present and intense, and other days it will be softer and more in the background. Although it may be most intense right after the loss and ease over time, pangs of grief often continue over our lifetime.   

Take a moment to check in with your grief. This may help your grief to become more familiar and predictable, and it may decrease how often it catches you by surprise. 

When you check in with your grief, try asking yourself the following: 

• What am I feeling? 
• What needs attention? 
• What might be shifting or changing? 

Loss is an isolating experience, and we tend to cope better with caring support.

Not everyone will be comfortable with grief, and the people you are closest to may have difficulty being with your grief. This happens for many reasons, and often it isn’t because they don’t care.

Even people who are okay with grief may not know how to support you. Don’t be afraid to be direct about what you want, or ask for things you might find helpful, for example:  

• “Could you help me shop for groceries and make a few meals with me?” 
• “The evening is when I feel the most alone, could you go for a walk with me then?”

Physical activity can help to counteract the heavy “stuck” feelings that often accompany grief. 

Even if the outdoors and exercise are not your thing, try to go outside and move your body each day. Here are some ideas:

• A jog along a city sidewalk 
• A casual stroll around the block 
• An easy walk in the forest or park 

When you are outside, try to notice changes in the seasons, weather, and scenery, and notice how they impact you.

If going outside is not possible, consider some indoor activities: 

• Dancing 
• Stretching 
• Yoga 
• Vacuuming 
• Cleaning a closet
• Folding laundry 
• Listening to music 
• Singing 
• Dancing 
• Seated exercise 
• Going for a drive

Sharing your time, energy, or skills with other people may help to bring purpose and value to your life. Consider choosing a cause, group, or project that is meaningful to you — maybe something that has always interested you or something the person who died cared about. 

If a regular activity feels like too much right now, try something less ambitious. You might send an encouraging or appreciative note or text to a friend or family member who has been supportive. It can even be simple: “Thanks for being you!”

Do your best to establish and maintain sleep, food, and hygiene routines.

Your mind and body will function better and adjust to your loss when it is nourished and rested. Ensuring that you bathe, brush your teeth and hair, and get dressed will help you feel better about yourself.  

If you can, try to keep these activities on a predictable schedule. The less you have to think and plan these activities, the easier they will be to achieve. Your brain is distracted by loss and grief, so keep it simple. 

If you feel overwhelmed or “stuck” please talk to a health professional or trusted leader in your community such as a doctor, chaplain, nurse practitioner, social worker or school administrator. These trusted people may be able to connect you with appropriate programs, resources, and other forms of needed support such as grief counselling or medical care. You may be able to access counselling services if you have an Extended Health Plan, or through an employee assistance program. It will be important that they have experience in grief counselling. If you have thoughts of or plans to harm yourself or others, go to your nearest Emergency Department, call your local Crisis Line, or call or text 9-8-8 if you are in Canada. It is essential that you reach out for help.

See also:

• Do I need more help?
• MyGrief.ca Module 8 - Do I need more help and where to find it